Help...I Think I'm Having An Emotional Affair.


I’m really attracted to a guy I work with. I guess you could say we flirt with sexual innuendos but nothing has happened. I don’t want to go down that road because I love my husband plus we’re both married with kids. We have become good friends and I cherish this relationship. I look forward to work everyday because I know I will be seeing him. Is this really so bad if we don’t cross any lines?  -Liz

Liz,

While I’m not one of them, some people would say you have already crossed some lines. For many married couples, the more routine, predictable and boring life becomes, the more susceptible they are to developing fulfilling relationships with members of the opposite sex.

I know you cherish your relationship with this man and don’t want it to end, but you can’t have it both ways. Please don’t be so naïve as to think you’ll be able to continue this “emotional affair” while sitting on the fence and pretending nothing will ever happen. That’s like being on a lettuce diet and walking into a hamburger joint and sitting down to wait for something to happen. We all know how this’ll end up. It’s just a matter of time before you fall face first into the triple-ham-slam with a side of curly fries. Know what I mean? Oh, it might be six months or six years before it happens, but it’ll happen eventually. Mark my words.

You asked me if this is really bad if you don’t cross any lines? The answer is no. But it’s a fallacy to think you won’t cross the line at some point. So as long as you’re  aware of this, then it’s your decision and no one should judge you for whatever path you choose.

I was actually talking about this just the other day with a girlfriend of mine. She’s in a situation similar to yours and asked me if I thought she was out of line for sharing some private stuff about her husband with a male co-worker. I told her there wasn’t anything wrong with that as long as she understood the consequences of her actions and I am telling you the same.

You obviously have emotional needs that aren’t being met by your husband and your co-worker is meeting those needs. As long as you understand there are dangers associated with another man meeting your needs, then you’ve been warned.

Ultimately, you’ll have to decide which relationship is more important to you. The one with your husband or the one with your coworker. Because you can’t have it both ways over the long haul. Oh, you may be able to tap dance your way through both for awhile, but ultimately you’ll decide which is most important to you.

Emotional affairs are a very slippery slope towards physical infidelity, but that doesn’t mean it always ends up there. They often do, but not always. You can have an emotional affair that doesn’t cross the line into the physical, but then it really comes down to how you define cheating. Or more importantly, how your spouse would define cheating. But that’s a conversation for another day. My advice to you would be if you really don’t want to go down this road, make sure you’re never alone with this guy.

Did I really just say that?? Bwwahahaha! Who are we kidding? We’re all adults here. You have a need and it’s not being met. It's time for you to take a serious look at your relationship and figure out what is missing with your husband. 

Good luck to you,

Austin