I’ve been seeing a married man for the past two years. We are in love. His wife makes his life miserable every day. We’ve talked for some time about being together but I don’t see him taking the steps towards making this happen. He says he loves me, but can he really love me if he refuses to leave his wife? Would appreciate your thoughts, Austin. Georgette
So you’re the proverbial other woman, huh? Not an enviable position. You’re caught between a rock and a hard place. And when that place is between a man and his family, chances are greater than not, you’ll get your ass kicked in the end. But we’ll get to that in a moment.
What women dating married men need to realize is there are 1,000 things that can and usually will prevent men from leaving their wives. The “other woman” simply has far too many variables stacked against her in order for her to prevail. Georgette, a man’s world outside of your love is a massive machine conspiring against you to keep you from getting what you want. Even though these men feel they’re trapped in lives they don’t want, they aren’t willing to end their marriages because of the negative social and financial effects they would inflict on their families and themselves. At the end of the day, you just can’t hold a candle to the combined influence of his wife, children, finances, family, religion and social circles. You might think you can, but you’ll just be fooling yourself. The combination and strength of each of these factors virtually guarantees you’ll lose every time. I don’t care if your va-jay-jay lays golden eggs and smells like roses…there’s a reason there’s a saying, “Men don’t leave their wives”.
Now some men DO choose to leave and start a new life. But sadly the divorce rate of these second marriages is even higher, to say nothing of the financial hardship and devastated relationships brought about by the break-up of the first. So understand when a man weighs these factors to determine whether or not he’ll leave his wife, all these things go through their head. That’s why most men choose to stay.
The “unfiltered truth” here, as brutal as it may be, is his relationship with you isn’t enough to offset the turmoil that would result from his decision to leave his family. If you’re content to continue seeing him while he remains married, then knock yourself out. But don’t hold your breath waiting for him to leave his wife. That day may never come…
Good luck, Georgette,