I’ve always thought children are kind of like poorly-timed bursts of flatulence. You can tolerate them if they’re your own, but other people’s are simply unbearable. So in commemoration of this and other challenges of motherhood, I am hereby tasking my pen this Mother’s Day weekend to acknowledge moms everywhere for all that you do.
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I assume most of my readers are familiar with the acronym, MILF. If not, I think Wikipedia says it best…“A common colloquial term generally regarded as vulgar, yet denoting a sexually attractive older female; generally between 30 and 50 years of age.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. In my opinion, most women definitely become more attractive as they grow older. No doubt about it. This article is my tribute to these women.
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I swear on my Granny’s grave there’s no doubt the good Lord gave me kids as payback for my forty-year reign as CEO of Troublemakers, Inc. Blessing a guy like me with two beautiful daughters is proof positive that Queen Karma not only exists, but that she loves retribution. No doubt at this very moment, God and the Queen are throwing back tequila shots in the clouds and laughing it up at my coming plight. My plight as a single father. This article is my tribute to all the amazing women who are somehow able to keep their families running AND their senses of humor intact…
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This is a copy of the letter I posted on my Facebook Fan page in February 2013 that has since gone viral on the Internet. I hope you enjoy it.
Austin
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It is often said that behind every great man is an equally great woman. Nowhere does this sentiment resonate with more truth than when it comes to the women of the United States military. And I’m not just talking about enlisted personnel and officers either. I’m talking about ALL women associated with the military. Either directly or indirectly. The front-line troops and active combat personnel get all the press and recognition, but after my research in preparation for this article, I’m now convinced more than ever that women are the true unsung heroes of the United States military.
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When it comes to female adoration, you can always count on your buddy Blood to provide you with a unique and different perspective on the better half of the human race. Men like to joke about women being the weaker sex, but the joke’s on us, fellas….in ways far too numerous to mention. Women often get a bad rap for being more emotionally sensitive than men, but I would argue this sensitivity is a good thing. Don’t think so? You will…..
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LADIES, IS YOUR GUY CHEATING ON YOU?
While I certainly hope not, unfortunately it’s A LOT easier to cheat than it used to be. I believe we’re on the verge of an another exponential explosion in the infidelity rate. This is the reason why…
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Ya know what’s effed? I’ll tell ya what. Your entire concept of beauty and perfection as you know it. I wish I were kidding, but I’m not. Buckle up and strap in because what you’re about to read will forever change your concept of beauty and perfection as you know it. And that’s a good thing. Trust me….
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I caught my husband watching gay porn on the internet twice this year. The thought makes me sick to my stomach. My worst fear is he could be gay. Can you help me? Susan
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I’m really attracted to a guy I work with. I guess you could say we flirt all the time with sexual innuendos but nothing physical. I don’t want it to go down that road because we’re both married with kids. I really cherish my relationship with him and don’t want it to end. He has become a great friend and confidant. Is this really so bad if we don’t cross any lines? Liz
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