Austin Rants

super-mom

Mother’s Day Tribute 2013

I’ve always thought children are kind of like poorly-timed bursts of flatulence. You can tolerate them if they’re your own, but other people’s are simply unbearable. So in commemoration of this and other challenges of motherhood, I am hereby tasking my pen this Mother’s Day weekend to acknowledge moms everywhere for all that you do.

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Complement Not Complicate

How does a woman blow a man’s mind? Every day I receive emails from women all over the world asking some variation of this question. While each woman’s situation is unique, the stories themselves are very much the same. They can’t meet a decent guy. They’re a magnet for jerks. They can’t get the guy they’re with to commit. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride. You get my point. This article unravels this mind-boggling mystery that has plagued women through the ages.

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Generation MILF

I assume most of my readers are familiar with the acronym, MILF. If not, I think Wikipedia says it best…“A common colloquial term generally regarded as vulgar, yet denoting a sexually attractive older female; generally between 30 and 50 years of age.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. In my opinion, most women definitely become more attractive as they grow older. No doubt about it. This article is my tribute to these women.

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The Chaos of Fatherhood

I swear on my Granny’s grave there’s no doubt the good Lord gave me kids as payback for my forty-year reign as CEO of Troublemakers, Inc. Blessing a guy like me with two beautiful daughters is proof positive that Queen Karma not only exists, but that she loves retribution. No doubt at this very moment, God and the Queen are throwing back tequila shots in the clouds and laughing it up at my coming plight. My plight as a single father. This article is my tribute to all the amazing women who are somehow able to keep their families running AND their senses of humor intact…

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An Open Letter to A Misogynist

This is a copy of the letter I posted on my Facebook Fan page in February 2013 that has since gone viral on the Internet. I hope you enjoy it.

Austin

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The Military Chronicles

It is often said that behind every great man is an equally great woman. Nowhere does this sentiment resonate with more truth than when it comes to the women of the United States military. And I’m not just talking about enlisted personnel and officers either. I’m talking about ALL women associated with the military. Either directly or indirectly. The front-line troops and active combat personnel get all the press and recognition, but after my research in preparation for this article, I’m now convinced more than ever that women are the true unsung heroes of the United States military.

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An Ode To Women; Part One

When it comes to female adoration, you can always count on your buddy Blood to provide you with a unique and different perspective on the better half of the human race. Men like to joke about women being the weaker sex, but the joke’s on us, fellas….in ways far too numerous to mention. Women often get a bad rap for being more emotionally sensitive than men, but I would argue this sensitivity is a good thing. Don’t think so? You will…..

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Ode To Woman

An Ode To Women; Part Two

Since time immemorial, the fairer and finer sex have impacted men to the deepest levels of our soul. To me, there’s no question why God created Adam before he created Eve. Even exalted deities do better work the second time around. And the Good Lord’s over-the fence-grand slam on day six of creation is history’s finest example of the sequel trumping the original. This is the second part of my tribute to the amazing creature known as woman.

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Mommy Porn

Mommy Porn

Unless you’ve been living in a monastery or convent for the past year, you’ve noticed the massive surge in popularity of erotic literature for women. These are not your mother’s romance novels. This new breed of racy erotica is the real deal. Every naughty scenario your wicked brain can imagine is played out with great relish and descriptive flair. It’s a good time to be a woman…..

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Social Media Booty Call

LADIES, IS YOUR GUY CHEATING ON YOU?

While I certainly hope not, unfortunately it’s A LOT easier to cheat than it used to be. I believe we’re on the verge of an another exponential explosion in the infidelity rate. This is the reason why…

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