To All The Moms BARELY Holding It Together…
I’ve always thought kids are kinda like farts…
You can tolerate them if they're your own, but other people's are simply UNBEARABLE. 🤢
So in commemoration of this—and other challenges of motherhood—I hereby task my pen to acknowledge moms everywhere for everything you do.
My virtual pen 🖊️
Dear Moms,
Being a mother is the ultimate thankless job.
No one knows this better than you do.
No sane woman goes into motherhood for the recognition, since being a mom is ALL about selfless sacrifice.
And let's face it—kids can be a pain in the ass.
And that pain starts well before you're technically even a mother:
Morning sickness.
Swollen feet.
Engorged chesticles.
Stretch marks.
The list goes on and on...
Then Junior pops out.
After that it's an endless parade of fecal explosions, spit-ups, sleepless nights and infantile caterwauling.
Then the fun really begins...
Round Two brings temper tantrums, a nearly-defunct sex life, and that ever-present swath of destruction in your formerly serene and organized abode.
Then the kids get a little older, and you're transformed from a toddler-doting slave into a round-the-clock service consortium specializing in transportation, catering, counseling, and all forms of discipline.
As if that weren't enough, it's not just your genetic replicas who test the limits of your sanity over the years.
As a mom, you’re pulled in a thousand different directions as you juggle some vexing combo of crazy boyfriends, nutty husbands, psycho exes, wacky in-laws, demanding bosses, catty girlfriends—and quite possibly all of the above.
And that was just yesterday.
And if you're a single mom or a stepmother? You've got it even tougher.
So on this Mother's Day, on behalf of myself and legions of men everywhere, it’s important to articulate our appreciation for EVERYTHING you do.
Though we may not say it, the sacrifices you make for the children (and ourselves) are the glue that holds it ALL together.
It’s often said that behind (or beside) every great man is an equally great woman—and nowhere does this hold more true than when we’re talking about you.
So thank you.
Don’t EVER forget how important you are.
Now, lest you think I'm pandering or certifiably insane…
Imagine—for just a moment—a world WITHOUT women, where men are left to fend for ourselves.
Pause for contemplation
BWHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! 🤣🤣
Happy Mother's Day, awesome woman.
